Koogle

In the commercial a mousy blonde housewife who just couldn’t get over how awesome Koogle was. When Kenny told him about Koogle, Wade said that it was some kind of Jewish food. “No, it’s a new kind of peanut butter...a flavored peanut butter.”

“So it’s not Kugel.”

“No it’s Koogle.”

“Oh.”

The mousy woman in the commercial looked exactly like Goldie Hawn.
The first time Kenny saw Koogle in the supermarket he couldn’t contain his excitement. He couldn’t decide which flavor to choose: chocolate, banana, vanilla or cinnamon? He chose the cinnamon, mostly because Jack would think it was a perfectly stupid pick, even though he loved cinnamon toast, having learned to make it from reading an old children’s cookbook he found in his classroom.

“We have peanut butter at home,” his mother said.

“NO WE DON’T,” Kenny said.

“Why are you yelling?”

“We only have the chunky that you bought like a million years ago. I hate chunky and Jack only eats it when he’s really hungry.”

“What about the Jiff I bought last week?”

“Two weeks ago. It’s gone.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“So can we get it?”

“You two are eating me out of house and home.”

“Please?”

Kenny put the jar in the cart and then walked over to the cereal section, mentally preparing for another argument. It was true about the chunky peanut butter. They hated it. Jack only ate it with a spoon when he was really hungry and there was nothing else to eat but saltines. Sometimes he used a soupspoon and walked around outside sucking on a huge spoonful. Kenny thought that was disgusting. Kenny had more class. There was also a jar of Goober Grape in the cabinet that was almost as old as Jack. Kenny made sure that it stayed behind an old box of pasta, where no one could find it and claim it as edible.